PAGE 22 HIGH GEAR

more poems & thoughts by Peter Dorian

2402

I'M FEELING BITTER TODAY

SUDDENLY...1980 is staring right in my eyes.

I'm taking a good look around me...

The past's tomorrows are now today.

Yesterday is older than we care to think about. New will be old sooner than I care to worry about;

but I do, excessively.

As I drop another chemical, my eyes focus on the new young men as they keep infiltrating into the bars daily in poor attempts to be "the knight in shining armor" to some other prince charming.

Too many young men believe there really is a prince to be found and become disillusioned when they wake up in the morning to find he has bad breath.

You are old news, and most of you accomplish very little except becoming old men.

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WE ARE THE SIBLINGS OF THE ALIENS

Confused anger nestled in his stomach caused while searching for answers to his guilt.

Grinding and grinding against a tortured soul:

lost, as within a prism hunting for the source of the lights shining in every direction.

Caught in a web of the years and years of his unawareness now all coming into focus: HYPOTHETICAL EQUATION

Intellect combatting animalism equals the human being; Love/lust

Love/indifference

Indifference/selfishness.

A mass of indifference equals earth.

Humans are failing in human relations class.

We cannot return: it does not compute.

There is nothing

contained within nothing is everything.

Everything equals God.

God equals the sum total of pain taken past its limit to where it becomes pleasure.

Pleasure equals life.

Life always was and always will be existing simultaneously with death and one cannot exist without the other

which equals total balance

= LOVE

SEASONS GREETINGS, 1979...

In the stillness of two candles sharing their light,

A cat and I sit alone together content with the surroundings

and the softened sounds so meticulously arranged to soothe our ears Outside a nip of the winter to follow.

A winter allowing our minds to marvel at its commanding dominance over a summer we knew, so recently detached from our memories A cat and I...calm...thankful to be alive in a world sometimes too cold to measure.

The air is joyful and there is peace upon the jungle.

I NEVER LET YOU KNOW BECAUSE WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I WAS AFRAID YOU'D BEAT ME UP

What happened to those beer-can nights when we all pretended to be so drunk?

Then I had an excuse to lay my head on your shoulder, and you never knew.

I remember the times you would put your arm so casually around me: "My buddy" you would cry!.

I felt important but I would not tell you, I was afraid,

so you never knew.

When, at times, I sit alone I will relive some of the memories of you. They, on occasion, keep me going on..

I have been doing well since our friendship's

departure but it isn't warm, clutching hard to a pillow at night hoping desperately it will become you.

It is hard to continue to love you, but that pain cannot compare to the total reality that I will never be able to touch you.

No heart can completely detach itself from that which its body wishes to hold as I want to hold you:

I can tell you now that I loved you then.... now you know...too late....

ESSAY ON LIFE

Each moment begins a life. Your life, my life, and everyone's life is to be lived each moment as it occurs. A mind, however, is too powerful to disregard what it has known, and conceited enough that we believe it can plan futures. Fate is inevitable, and free will is an excuse to run from your self. We are a race of people operating at less than our capabilities. We have been falsely programmed with propaganda handed out to us by very skilled, and selfish men and women of the medias.

To live unaffected by what exists is to accept the fact that everything does exist, and not to confuse our minds with judging others in terms of right and wrong, for in doing so, we continue to divide ourselves into minorities fighting each other instead of focusing our attention towards our governments where it is essentially needed instead. What is the difference, I ask you, between a preacher who is trying to "save the world" with his words that cut and scar life-styles unlike his own and that which his beliefs dictate as absolute truths that we all may reach a more utopian existence (Heaven); and Hitler. who tried to create the perfect race?

This is advice from one who has been too confused and many times still is. Honesty is a reality only to a person who lives it. Anyone's life has never, is not, and could never be the same under one set of ruies or moralistic beliefs; that is truth. Be whatever you truly are and say whatever you absolutely must, or begin a slow and painful death for your mind and eventually your self: That can be your only burden in the very end anyway, my friends. Live life in your way, for only life as vou see it is all you can ever believe in.